Lean on Me: Allyship Over Homogenization

Allyship is a relatively new term for me that I've learned from the CP community. However, it's not a new concept to me. Having the genuine support of others who don't necessarily understand my lived experience with Cerebral Palsy has been an incredibly important and valuable thing in my life. 


I'm not talking about the people that take pity on me, or try to overcompensate for what I need, or undercompensate for what I need. That's not being a true ally. I'm talking about the people that see my lived experience and see me. That list is a lot shorter. 


How it started – for the most part, I've encountered a lot of well-meaning people, who have tried to provide opportunities to me that they thought would make things better. But, much of the time, those things came in the form of consolation prizes. I appreciate what they were trying to do but, it didn't always land the way I think it was intended. 


Third grade field day is a good example of performative kindness. I was given a head start in the 40-yard dash – so that I would stand any chance whatsoever. I look back on that fondly today. I also remember being upset at the time because even with the head start I didn't win. The gesture, however kind, effectively singled me out. 


Where it went – I would ultimately remove myself from most, if not all, athletics in order to avoid being singled out. In my childhood, I got to play goalie at practices for a local soccer team, but I wasn't really a part of the team, and I wasn't going to be. I'm glad I got to do that, but there was also an exclusion there that wasn't really recognized. This sort of thing was really common for me. I was allowed to participate in things to a limited degree, but I didn't really belong. It's entirely why I left sports behind in my childhood. It was very clear to me, that no matter how much I loved to shoot a basketball, no matter how much I enjoyed throwing a football, no matter how thrilling it was the first time I'd connected the baseball bat to a pitch, that I would never get to be like everyone else – I wasn't going to be on the team.


For a long time, the solution to this was for others around me, and unfortunately for myself too to pretend that my CP wasn't there. But it was. It took me a long time to realize that something was missing there. I had people pushing me to be normal like everyone else, but forgetting that I do have CP, and that does impact how I can function. I had people accuse me of being lazy, which I might have been sometimes, but also it was a blatant disregard for my physical limitations. I will push myself harder than anyone else will push me physically speaking. Socially speaking, the only way I get to belong to the team is to disregard my CP. This kind of functioning is not allyship. It's homogenization. 


How it's going –  allyship is probably the area I'm working on most right now. Both in my own life and how to communicate what it is I really need from people with regards to my CP. But also, for others in the CP community. One thing I have is a voice. I also have platforms to use that voice. And, I feel like I owe it to myself and to the CP community I tried to run from for decades to take real meaningful action now. 


In the posts to come, I'll talk about ableism, I'll talk about accommodation, I'll explore what it's like to share these stories openly. Curious about something? Drop it in the comments. Stay tuned.

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