I Can't Drive 55 (Safely or Legally)

One of my biggest modifications as a person living with Cerebral Palsy is the fact that I don't drive. It's not actually the CP that prevents me from driving, but my vision from other related conditions. I don't have any depth perception and I can't see how close other objects, people, or cars are on the road. I don't want to accidentally kill somebody. That's not something I want to live with, so I accepted the advice of doctors and others to no longer get behind the wheel a long time ago. 

But how does not driving affect my life? A lot of people think that that's my biggest challenge and in some ways they're right. In other ways, it's just a different way of living. 

Things that a lot of us consider luxuries make my life functional. I love Amazon. Not because I support big corporate business because I don't. But, because of the ability to not have to rely on somebody else to get what I need. Before the invention of online sales and things like that, I had to be a lot more reliant on people. Modern technology has really done a lot of favors for myself and probably other people that don't drive.

Ironically, it's not the long drives anymore that are difficult because I don't drive, but the routine tasks, like shopping at a local store or something like that. I can take an Uber anywhere. But that's not economical. If I need to run to the supermarket or run a few errands. Then it's too expensive. Uber is great for my work commute and other long drives that I have to take from time to time. It's not so great when I want to do a sequence of small tasks and it ends up costing me more to Uber than to have things delivered. That's really how not driving affects me. It's a financial thing. It's also a time thing. If you've ever used the bus or the train, you know that takes a really long time. And in areas where it's not set up in the most ideal fashion, taking two hours to make a 25-minute trip down the road is not good economics of time. 

I like the independence of being able to hop in an Uber. Sure, not driving has really amplified my networking skills. But, it's nice to just go do the thing I need to do and not have to want to talk to the person driving the car. Because it's kind of optional in an Uber. It's a lot less optional when it's your family or your friends driving the car. That may sound cold, but I work with the public all day long, and sometimes I want to be left alone. Also, sometimes I have things on my mind that tend to be deeper than people want to go and I'd rather not make small talk, chit chat over things that matter not to me. That said, I am an excellent conversationalist about meaningless s***.

But I'm losing the plot a little bit here, imagine this so I need to go get a haircut and it's in the neighborhood. I can Uber to it but that'll be a little pricey, so I'll just coordinate a ride. But also the hair stylist needs a cash tip and I'm a xennial, so I prefer not to carry cash. Yes, I prefer not to carry cash. It's inefficient and I hate inefficiency. Now I have to coordinate multiple things for one errand. I literally have to make sure that I get cash days before my haircut because I'll be closer to the bank when I'm at work than when I'm at home. Otherwise, it's going to cost me an arm and a leg just to tip my hair stylist. These are the little details I have to think about as somebody who doesn't drive. The company's decision to eliminate credit card tipping, probably because the fees were too high, which I understand, made me have to be twice as intentional just to continue providing a tip. That's kind of the thing about living with a disability, unless people and companies are intentional about designing a world that includes you, it's inadvertently exclusionary.

This is also why I don't live in the sticks. I would love to live in rural New Hampshire. I like the peace of mind and the ethos, but I need walkability to make life a little bit more livable for myself. My favorite thing about where I work now, is that I can walk to pretty much everything I need in less than 5 minutes. That's pretty awesome. When I pick new places to work or live, those are things I factor in. I kid you not, many years ago, I had a choice between two different jobs to take in the same field, and I picked the one that had the most convenient access to a walkable downtown area because it had all of the amenities that I needed, with the ease of access to do it. That remains a factor when I make decisions like that. It is the one thing I don't like about where I live. 

As with a lot of things, it's all about the little things. It's so easy for me to hop in an Uber to go someplace an hour away. I can justify that cost because it's an hour away. It's a real pain in the ass for me to run errands in my neighborhood. Yes, there are people willing to help me and I accept that, and I have to ask for that, but if you drive I want you to think for a minute about how much freedom that gives you. You don't have to ask somebody if you can go to the supermarket. You don't have to ask somebody if you want to get takeout (now I don't either, thanks to Uber eats). My biggest problem with not driving is being at the mercy of other people. It's only that. Sometimes, I really love the conversation and I've made some great friends by being their passenger (I had one of my best conversations of 2024 in December, riding with someone I'd never ridden with before). Some of my favorite memories are riding around with some people, while l that's all we did. They drove, I rode, and we chatted the night away. Freedom to do the simple things is my biggest challenge in not being able to get behind the wheel safely. 

Maybe one day I'll tell you about the time somebody loaned me their car or another time  somebody had me hold on to their car while they traveled. They knew I was driving their cars (don't worry). But, I haven't done stuff like that in almost 20 years because I just don't want to take the risk anymore. 

Stay tuned for more stories of Cerebral Palsy and intersectionality of other life contexts. If you have a question or something you'd like to know more about, feel free to drop it in the comments.