The Privilege of Debt

Six figures of student loan debt. 

Two degrees.

Bachelor's in Biblical Studies.

Master's of Information,

Concentration in Library Science. 

Estimated payoff date,

After death. 

ROI:

Lifelong friendships that mean more to me than money and became a chosen family. 

A lot of firsts – personal and professional. 

The opportunity to leave home for the first time. 

The chance to learn new skills in the student housing office. 

The total exploration of my beliefs and values. 

The enhancement of my critical thinking skills. 

Learning the value of context. 

Meeting most of the most important people in my life. 

Learning from many incredible minds who I'm still linked to today. 

The launching pad from poverty to something like privilege. 

The gateway to my ministry career. 

The rocket launcher for my library career. 

The credentials that help me feed my kids. 

I've looked at that debt as a burden and it's also been instrumental in changing what was possible for me. It's provided the greatest rewards, joys, and privileges of my life. 

Read the story full story at Cerebral Palsy and Intersectionality or check out the full post ⬇️ . 

I have six figures of student loan debt. I have spent a long time obsessing about paying that off. The real story is in how I got there and where that took me. I had no prospects coming out of high school. I went to the award winning Denver School of the Arts for Stage Craft and Design. I loved being in the sound booth. I still do. I loosely floated the idea of going to California Institute of the Arts and North Carolina School of the Arts for Sound Engineering. There were a few problems with that goal, I wasn't motivated, my grades were just okay, I was poor, I expected to have to do it on my own, I waited too long to apply to not have to take a gap year, and I'd spent most of high school becoming my dad's codependent. Continuing art school in college felt impossible. 

I spent the first three years after high school at home, managing the household. I was the reason the bills got paid on time. I wrote the checks because my dad's handwriting was destroyed by medicated tremors. I've hardly ever paid a bill late in 27 years thanks to the habits I developed as a teenager at home. My dad drove me to school. I made sure he made all of his appointments. One day I was sitting at home playing Driver 3 on Xbox and decided I wanted more out of life. 

That was a long road before I earned two degrees. The Church had become my safe haven. Through that I started to see that maybe there was an opportunity for me to do more than live a sealed-fate-life on disability assistance. I started to build the confidence that maybe I couldn't get a regular job but maybe I was capable of doing youth ministry. 

With the encouragement of mentoring adults in my life, I started to pursue a Bachelor's Degree in Biblical Studies with a concentration in Youth Ministry. I left home for the first time to do that. I lived in the Senior housing apartments because I was older than all of the Freshmen. I worked in the student housing office during the summer to cover campus housing. That's how badly I didn't want to move back home into the chaos. My first undergraduate University was twenty minutes from home and my student loans were a tool for my freedom. 

In my first year of college, I made incredible friends. In my second year of college, I made friends that have been a part of every significant chapter of my life since. I refer to them as a chosen family because I'd get on a plane if they needed me to tomorrow. They have been there for my brightest moments and darkest hours. They know me better than almost anyone on this planet. And, even they didn't know a lot of what I've shared here about my dad's addiction for a long time. That was a loud, secret, and guarded part of my life. It still showed up with me everywhere I went. I just didn't share it with the group. 

In college, I found love, I found loss, and I found myself in the freedom of it all. Evolving faith, the loss of my mother, money, and opportunity led me to finish my Biblical Studies degree out of state at a tiny Lutheran College. I made some more amazing friends there, found the people it was safe to grieve with, and be myself with (they mean a lot to me to this day and it's hard not to name-drop them). 

The student loans I took out for my Bachelor's Degree, indebted me for life and rewarded me with most of the people and things that matter to me. I knew I'd need a career to pay off the loans. My degree opened the door for a decade in Youth Ministry. When I started that career, it was all about the greater why and it changed my life personally and professionally. It proved that more was possible for me. Then one day on the anniversary of my mom's death it was gone. 

In building a new career in libraries, for the sake of professional opportunities, I earned a Master's of Information degree with a concentration in Library Science. The right experience, leadership support, and my master's degree proved to be a rocket launcher for my library career. From entry level to the director's chair inside of five years. 

That's what six figures of student loan debt gave me. The estimated payoff date is after death. The credentials I earned through the support of those loans built careers that help me feed my kids today. Over the years, I've looked at that debt as a burden and it's also been instrumental in changing what was possible for me. It's provided the greatest rewards, joys, and privileges of my life. Perspective is a powerful thing that shows us what we have when we think we have not. I wouldn't trade a second of the time I've spent with the people those student loan funded degrees led me to meet, I wouldn't trade any of the love, loss, success, or failure to be debt free, and debt freedom has been my primary goal for over fifteen years. That debt gave me the life I had and the one I have now. For all of that, I'm grateful.