Access Bold as Love: Snow, Ice, and Freezing Nice

I paid for snow removal for the first time, ever. “[M]aybe it’s just a change of climate,” but I haven’t seen a winter like this in a long time. I hate it. Not because it’s winter or even because snow is awful. When it gets cold enough to freeze and ice is a concern, I am gripped with anxiety. I’d rather hibernate. I hate what this kind of winter does to my body and my mind. “I have lived here before, the days of ice. And of course this is why I’m so concerned…” (Jimi Hendrix, Up from the Skies).

There was a time as a kid that I loved winter because it meant sledding on the giant hill across from the hospital. Ironically, doing death-defying runs towards an icy creek in plain view of the emergency room. I loved hitting the slopes on Saturdays and that perfect ski day without falls, in a sweatshirt and jeans. By the time I was a six-foot tall teenager, walking places, and having to do most of the winter snow shoveling, I began to sour on the winter. Like, most things this was a progression and not over night, from love to hate. The cold didn’t always bother me, but the falls did. 

In my twenties, I was walking with my laptop over my shoulder and hit the ice hard. The laptop cushioned my fall. Ouch. I’ve been fortunate not to break anything (minus cosmetic damage to that laptop) during a fall on the ice, but with each year and each slip on the ice, the fear grows. I don’t drive so I have to walk places or take alternative transportation. Clearing sidewalks, especially if there’s not a business impact is a lower priority than clearing the roads. This creates an access impact for me.

If the sidewalk isn’t clear or it’s covered in ice, it’s not safe for me to walk. If the bus stops weren’t plowed or cleared, I can’t access the bus or use it safely. I’m on foot, these issues are exacerbated if someone needs ramp access. The curb-cuts aren’t always cleared in an accessible way. The other day, a friend of mine had to help me climb over the snow in the curb-cut that’s supposed to be wheelchair accessible. I’m glad I had the assist, but the day before I had to crawl over it. I want to hibernate because of this and it seems like people think that reaction is funny. 

In this latest snow storm with below freezing temperatures for days on end, I don’t want to leave home because I feel trapped by the piles of snow and ice. The fear and seasonal lows are really impactful. As I’ve gotten older, pain and cold have been adversaries. The cold seizes my muscles like a vice grip. My already spastic muscles get tighter – relentlessly so. My pain goes from a 4 to 5 out of 10 daily average to something more. Every movement hurts. Sleep hurts. The mental and physical toll is trying at best. Every effort to function normally feels like they are bold efforts. “But they’re all bold as love” (Jimi Hendrix, Bold as Love). If only the societal efforts for access were so bold. I don’t like that I needed to pay someone for my snow removal because I had to admit to myself and others that I couldn’t do it myself this time. I’m grateful I was able to have that option, but it’s also part of the cost of living with a disability.