Wild Thing is I Shouldn't Be Alive

It was an Orwellian year much like this one. At just nine months old, I had craniosynostosis surgery with sutures of the skull and all. I wish I could say that was the biggest challenge in my first year of life, but I beat that in the first minute. I have my next five posts in the queue, but they don't reflect things I'm learning about my journey in real time. 


I used to say that “I live the impossible” a lot and some people were glad to see me and my ego leave that line behind. But, I've learned that it was a more accurate statement than I could have imagined. On the odds alone, I shouldn't be here today. I'm still processing what I've learned about my medical history recently, so I'm not sure how much I want to tell you right now. 


In less than six weeks, I'll be speaking to professional colleagues about Cerebral Palsy and intersectionality. The likely cause of my CP, still to be confirmed, could have taken my life. I didn't know that until now. This knowledge is guaranteed to change what I plan to say at that conference. 


What I'm prepared to tell you right now is that the line between gratitude and pain, and life and death is razor thin. Maybe it's even blurry. For decades, I've had certain parts of my CP story in my head. Most of it is based on what others told me or didn't tell me. Because it's part of the origins story. 


It's not like I remember that Monday night in August where my fight for survival began. I've had pictures of it for decades because my dad photographed the whole thing. Now, I have words to join the photos. Not my words, but my story. Once more told by others.


What do I do with this newly digested information? I process it. I use it to complete the stories. I allow it to fuel creativity. I welcome the courage that it offers to face the challenges of today. I acknowledge that my life has been simultaneously a gift and a grueling fight.


I thrive in deep waters because I don't fear the unknowing of once deeply held truths. I don't fret over why I take more comfort exploring heavy truths than I do in being a lighter more palatable human being. I'm at peace in a crisis because I was literally born in it.


Now that I see some things differently, where do I take the story from here? 

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