Between Balance and Vision Or Defiance and Belonging

Context means everything. 


I walk with a limp and you could tip me over like a teapot – my balance is a tricky thing. Seeing how close the obstacles are ups the difficulty level to hard. Shaving most of my head in high school took the level to Legendary (if you know, you know – spelled out on purpose). Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, Humpty Dumpty couldn't see 3D at all. 


The surgeries on my skull left some interesting scars that were rarely easily visible until that aforementioned haircut – not my best decision making in high school; probably not my worst either. I might have clipped a curb and flattened a tire the first time I ever drove a car because I couldn't tell where the curb was in relation to the car. For those two things alone, I'm definitely one of the people who wouldn't willingly repeat high school.


How it started – One of the additional conditions that came along with being born with Cerebral Palsy was not having depth perception. I've read that it's not uncommon for people with CP to also have some variety of vision related challenges for one reason or another. Everyone's different. Perhaps that's a reason I once did a 180° front flip off of some playground equipment by accident. That was one of many great falls and thankfully no one had to put me back together from that one.


Where it went – I have no idea why I thought I could pull off the haircut I'd quickly regret in high school. In defense of the hairstylist, they tried to talk me out of it. They'd been cutting my hair since my first haircut and had an authoritative idea that shaving all but the top of my head wasn't going to look how I wanted. My goal, badass haircut similar to some I'd seen others have and to reveal my scars for the first time (even I hadn't seen much of the scars on my head). Reality, I legit got a nickname referenced above. In trying to fit in with a style, I stood out like a sore thumb. Similarly, in Design class, I worked really hard to draw a 3D stage design and I thought I'd pulled it off, but no matter how many times I tried I couldn't capture 3D perspective because I literally couldn't see it. I couldn't balance a bicycle either. 


How it's going – I don't like winter because I don't like falling on the ice, which has happened a lot over the years, and I worry that I won't be as fortunate as I have been to not break anything as I age. I don't drive a car at all, though it took awhile to accept that. Objects are definitely closer than they appear. I don't enjoy hiking because the combination of unsteady balance and no depth perception makes navigating the uneven terrain more risky and incredibly stressful. I only do it for other people and to not miss out. 


In my stories to come, the road to being a pedestrian took twelve years to accept. Mountains were climbed, miraculous recovery happened, and success was achieved because someone said I couldn't do it. Physically beneficial activities were stopped, invisibility was desired, limits are pushed, and stressful things are done all for belonging. Stay tuned.

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